The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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