I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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