his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
