I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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