Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
