Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
