Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
