he wants to bone in the snuggie
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize