just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
do nipples grow back?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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