I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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