oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
