they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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