I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
