Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
