I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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