How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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