It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
