I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
is that a dick in a sweater?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
