I didn't shave. On purpose
I am spending my child support on dildos
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
