My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
