Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
