It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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