I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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