i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
