When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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