I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
