I hate all girls vehemently.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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