his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize