Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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