I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize