She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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