i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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