I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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