So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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