O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
