Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
