oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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