I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
