Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
