just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
