I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
