So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
