Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
