What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
