Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
