I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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