Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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