I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
