I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
