Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
