I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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