Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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