At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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