I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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