What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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