Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Boobs are out for the taking
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
