Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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