I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
