So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
