remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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