ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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