Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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