You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
