I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
