went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
40s are totally the cure
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
