i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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