We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
