I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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