1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
