I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
