Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
