i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
