She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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