Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
