I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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