I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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