first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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