I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
