youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
