dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
