At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
