i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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