I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
