you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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