I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize