check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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