All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize