We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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