I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
