it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
