This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize