Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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