3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize