i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
