he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
