a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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