dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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