He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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