Tell her she can't have a vagina
Soap is not a condiment
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
